you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
