NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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