So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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