Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
