So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
