Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's get the cat blown out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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