I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize