i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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