I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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