i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
