what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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