Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
