after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're like the curious george of whores
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
