When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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