You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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