hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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