Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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