So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
