is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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