Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
