imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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