One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You have to summon your inner elephant
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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