I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
