Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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