i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize