I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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