I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
