Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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