White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
