textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
