She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
