After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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