Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
