I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
