This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
