I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
