we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
