dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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