She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
