my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
