finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
