Christians are straight up FREAKS
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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