i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
