i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
