u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
