and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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