I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
