Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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