im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
