I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
