Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
