I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
