I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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