Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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