I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
