Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
