Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
