Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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