is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
