Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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