I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Alive.
So much puke
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
