Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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