like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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