I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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