Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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