This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
