I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
