Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
